_thats the way that you feel

i dont recognise your face no more..

things are so different now.

sometimes its hard.
why did u come home?

i dont know u

_lonely little,silly little girl

come home now.
she needs you here.
she doesnt know how to handle it without you
her mind is overlapping with thoughts as she swallows the lump in her throat holding back the tears.

she needs you!
how can you not feel her heart calling out to you? can you not hear it?

shes loves you dammit! its ime to come home now.

she cant do it without you

come back to her 

_lost and alone

i wish i could spill my brains across this screen.
it feels like the only way i could fully explain the emotional state i'm in.

oh how i love him.
yes i doubted it, but i know now i do love him.
when i'm alone and afraid he knows exactly what to say to make me feel safe again.
all i need is the:

baby its all gonna be okay

i have him. i know that. i know he's not going anywhere.

i am happy with him
i just wish that it was enough.
i want more.
i want my friends back.
we have all drifted from where we used to be.we used to laugh together, cry together,act ridiculous together.
and now?
i feel as if they dont even see me.
i wonder if they even care?
i want a person. someone i can tell all my secrets to.
i had that person, but she's consumed n her own life now.

i guess for now he will have to do.

i actually want him to be around forever.
i need him around forever

_embeded in my chest

maybe she was wrong

maybe he does love her

and just mabe he is kind of perfect

she cannot open up to him.

yet inside she knows that she is inlove with him



_ i cant give it up, to someone else's touch

today is just one of those days

where you just let go and admit the truth.

the truth you have always known but were too afraid to admit.

i havnt posted anything in a while. i was uninspired. or maybe i was too cowardice to let my creativity flow. since i know i have much to say, however i would much rather prefer to keep it all inside.

inside is safe.

its harmless

i want to escape.like somewhere in the mointains where i can disconnect myself from modern society so a while. that would be nice. for lack of a better word.

somehwere where i can walk.

i want to walk so far that my feet start to bleed

with nothing but the sound of birds and wind.

yes that would be nice.

perchaps then i would find peace within.

perhaps then i could make sense of the chaos in my mind

perhaps then i could let go.

i wish i knew how

_addicted

oh god.

why did i let it happen?

all the warning signs were there and yet i refused to listen.

i did that stupid thing where i tried to convince myself that everything was going to be alright

stupid ignorant naive little girl.

you have so much to learn

why do you do it?

so easily give your haert away,like its worthless

_nothing but a simple silly priceless page of sorrow.

completely worthless

and yet you persisted to believe that he would complete you?

silly girl

stupid little girl

you let him fill all the spaces of your hollow heart.

you let him take control

and now you feel nothing

numb.

no emotion.

none what so ever

do i love him?

do i?

oh god.

how i wish i new the answer to that question..

he says: i love you baby

i say it back..

but do i really mean it?

i know i would not be able to manage without him

somehow i feel safe,

i find shelter in the corners of his cold heart

searching for answers

i have lost hope.

i am falling

out of love

oh god.

mind alterting substances would statisfy me now.

i need distraction

all this thinking hurts

the emptiness scares me

_i love summer

bikinis.sun tannning.cocktails on the beach.friends.laughter.beaches.shopping.sandles. sunglasses.camps bay.blue peter.sundowners.salmon salad.walks on the beach.flalling in love.falling out of love. ice tea.savanah.ice cold beer. <3

ah i cannot wait :)

_emotionally exhausted

so i do not feel like doing the whole emotionaly draining, lets-put-all-of-my-deep-and-personal-feelings-on-my-blog thing today

ah what the hell

i feel alone

who are these strangers that surround me?

Why do i bother to make any haman contact with them at all

i just dont know

_emotiontions rambling around 

somedays i feel blissfull

others i just want to punch their heads in

i feel like i am going insane

how do i save myself from this state i find myself in?

i want it to go away

all of it

every annoying immature comment, every moment i sit around waiting for that sms, the simple human contact

i want every "are you okay?'" to just simply fuck off

or should i rather say the lack of the "are you okay?"

i want the mixed signals and i love you's to just leave 

take me away from here 

ah well i think thats enough complaining for today 

it seems the only times i find myself inspired are when im horny or annoyed. 

quite sad isnt it?  

_wow

i think i had the best sex ever this weekend

i mean comaaaan three, yes you read right_ three fucking g-spot-amazingly-mind-blowing _orgasims

_wow, i cannot find a way to express myself
purely numb, stupifying pleasure

_what a Great weekend <3

_i want her

oh god _she is beautiful

_little black box

today i want to crawl away

i want to sit in that box

i want to creep into the smallest darkest corner

i want to hide from my thoughts

i wanna pop a pill

i wanna take a trip

i want to be alice in my own private wonderland

today i want to be anywhere but where i am

_dazed and confused

oh god.

save me from this ignorant state i find myself in

i cannot take it anymore

i want him off  my mind_ like right now

oh god.

i cant shake the feeling of wanting his naked body all over mine

inside me

fuck.

i hate this feeling

oh god.

_have mercy

_keep the vibe alive

what an eventful weekend it has been.

sitting at the dam with franchesca smoking weed, drinking wine

_singing along to a song we barely know

ahh it was pure bliss

_the not so fun part? greenies

_note to self: red wine and weed are not a good mix

ahh dont you just love the feelin of being so insanely drunk that you do not care what anyone thinks?

i did. untill i realised what a complete fool i seem to make of myself . 

deary deary me..  

__never again

well untill next weekend that is :)

_bliss

so I'm loving tegan and sara vibes today

_lyrical genious? i think so

not too sure whether i like the new stuff as much as the old stuff though

favourite album?

definatly jelous

" so what i lied_ i lied to me to"

today i feel grateful_ yeah i said it

having a gay sort of moment when im just blissfully happy

_ its a good feeling

_capture the art of it

so i had a moment today_ one of those moments you want to capure infinately.

a plolaroid moment.

i wish i had a moment like that every day

and oh yeah i want this girls bag :)

well i dont have much else to say today..

uninspired

_obsession

The art of rock and roll used to be so simple. look cool, make cool music, and hey maybe do some drugs. people like the rolling stones, the runaways, KISS. hey we all admire them. that laid back life style we all want. so why did society change our view. why did we let it?  so hey kids lets _fuck society over and have our own opinion.

feel the rush_ experiment a little.

so yeah thats pretty much what im gonna talk about: sex,  drugs, rock n roll

lets make our own opinion.