_embeded in my chest

maybe she was wrong

maybe he does love her

and just mabe he is kind of perfect

she cannot open up to him.

yet inside she knows that she is inlove with him



_ i cant give it up, to someone else's touch

today is just one of those days

where you just let go and admit the truth.

the truth you have always known but were too afraid to admit.

i havnt posted anything in a while. i was uninspired. or maybe i was too cowardice to let my creativity flow. since i know i have much to say, however i would much rather prefer to keep it all inside.

inside is safe.

its harmless

i want to escape.like somewhere in the mointains where i can disconnect myself from modern society so a while. that would be nice. for lack of a better word.

somehwere where i can walk.

i want to walk so far that my feet start to bleed

with nothing but the sound of birds and wind.

yes that would be nice.

perchaps then i would find peace within.

perhaps then i could make sense of the chaos in my mind

perhaps then i could let go.

i wish i knew how

_addicted

oh god.

why did i let it happen?

all the warning signs were there and yet i refused to listen.

i did that stupid thing where i tried to convince myself that everything was going to be alright

stupid ignorant naive little girl.

you have so much to learn

why do you do it?

so easily give your haert away,like its worthless

_nothing but a simple silly priceless page of sorrow.

completely worthless

and yet you persisted to believe that he would complete you?

silly girl

stupid little girl

you let him fill all the spaces of your hollow heart.

you let him take control

and now you feel nothing

numb.

no emotion.

none what so ever

do i love him?

do i?

oh god.

how i wish i new the answer to that question..

he says: i love you baby

i say it back..

but do i really mean it?

i know i would not be able to manage without him

somehow i feel safe,

i find shelter in the corners of his cold heart

searching for answers

i have lost hope.

i am falling

out of love

oh god.

mind alterting substances would statisfy me now.

i need distraction

all this thinking hurts

the emptiness scares me

_i love summer

bikinis.sun tannning.cocktails on the beach.friends.laughter.beaches.shopping.sandles. sunglasses.camps bay.blue peter.sundowners.salmon salad.walks on the beach.flalling in love.falling out of love. ice tea.savanah.ice cold beer. <3

ah i cannot wait :)

_emotionally exhausted

so i do not feel like doing the whole emotionaly draining, lets-put-all-of-my-deep-and-personal-feelings-on-my-blog thing today

ah what the hell

i feel alone

who are these strangers that surround me?

Why do i bother to make any haman contact with them at all

i just dont know

_emotiontions rambling around 

somedays i feel blissfull

others i just want to punch their heads in

i feel like i am going insane

how do i save myself from this state i find myself in?

i want it to go away

all of it

every annoying immature comment, every moment i sit around waiting for that sms, the simple human contact

i want every "are you okay?'" to just simply fuck off

or should i rather say the lack of the "are you okay?"

i want the mixed signals and i love you's to just leave 

take me away from here 

ah well i think thats enough complaining for today 

it seems the only times i find myself inspired are when im horny or annoyed. 

quite sad isnt it?  

_wow

i think i had the best sex ever this weekend

i mean comaaaan three, yes you read right_ three fucking g-spot-amazingly-mind-blowing _orgasims

_wow, i cannot find a way to express myself
purely numb, stupifying pleasure

_what a Great weekend <3